Shock
Isn't it funny how, in such a short span of time, the whole world can seem to crash down on you? Yeah...and I'm at a loss for words....and I need a solution desperately to save this thing.
Retail Therapy
Woohoo! Just came back from shopping...spent 50 bucks on a top and a pair of shorts...haha. And to think that I was actually planning to go home and catch some sleep after family day@pasir ris park. Last minute decision was made to just window shop. Haha...how wrong was I. Angelina's my new shopping partner! Lolz...Her spending power reminds me of Sarah and Peina. Hehe... and the funny thing is while shopping, the tiredness vanished somewhat and made way for gleeful purchases and our brains were hard at work, trying to figure out which purchases to make. There's no doubt that it is truly a therapeutic experience. Haha....
Anyway, have a good weekend everyone! Ciaoz.
School's out!
Yeah...school's out and I should be feeling happy but to tell the truth, I am feeling real crappy right now. Well, let me list out the possible causes.
Lack of sleep.Therefore tired.Not helped by talking to parents, sitting through long meetings and I finally get to knock off at 5pm. And who said it was supposed to be a short day. Supposed to meet up with a,zy and yt, but skipped that part cos I was too tired. Besides, its that time of the month and it aggravates everything else too. Lethargicness and melancholy not helped by the reading of lovely notes from my kids. Sigh. Tomorrow's family day at the park. Should be fun. After that's BBQ@Noss. Don't know if I should go...cos cheryl's not going, and I'll be left out. Well...kinda.
So what's coming up on the 1st week of hols? frisbee on mon,babysitting on tues, dept meetings on wed and thurs. How exciting huh? still got other things to settle. BIG SIGH!
Just received wonderful news that jac would be coming back on the 27th june....all the way till sept! Yiippee! Well, that's something to smile about.
Hmnz...I'm missing my kids already.
Domestica
Whee...saw a changeable lizard yesterday on the way to tuition! Haha...haven't seen one in ages...it looked so cute...as I was telling Jac, I missed those days back in TK where we were able to erm...do our stuff. Hehe...
Anyway...just cleaned the floor and washed dishes.... Hmnz...sometimes I wonder...do men nowadays still treat women as the domesticators in the household? Like we are expected to clean up after them? Hmph...
I don't know lah...it just that my bro is old enough to do the dishes what...why can't he do them as well? Not that I don't wanna do them....but its always me doing it. Grrr....
OMG.... I can't believe that the world is so small... I was just blog surfing....and clicked on Ros' links as usual..:P and I came across a few pictures on a particular blog and noticed that she kinda looked familiar. But I just couldn't put my finger on who it was...so I went back there a few times...thought really hard, going back to my sec sch and pri sch days... and voila! The mystery was finally solved. But I still couldn't believe it was true, so I checked frienster...and confirmed my suspicions. Haha...
I still can't believe it.
pm(2)s
Haha...only insiders will know the joke behind the blog title...
Sigh anyways...futile attempt to sound joyful and happy. Surrounded by family members who seem to be pms-ing is really depressing. Mum came back snapping at me...saying there was ants, you should wipe the table immediately, blahblahblah...got so worked up because of that. After that, bro snapped also, shouted at me, i shouted at him....bah. I should stay in a hostel. Wouldn't have to face all these at home then. SIGH! Rambles....
Think I should go sleep now. Yeah, I need sleep. Lots of it to keep me sane. Ciaoz.
reminisce
So...term 2 is drawing to an end, and somehow, I feel kinda lost. I have no idea where the 'lost' feeling came from, but I feel melancholic and a tinge of sadness and I know where that comes from.(it must be the cold weather aggravating my emotions)
I dropped the 'bomb' on my kids today. I told them I would be leaving them soon. Reactions to that were varied, but it didn't really matter to me. Some expressed shock and hoped I would come back to teach them after 2 years. Some were indifferent and kept their feelings to themselves. Others asked me what the new teacher was like. I thought I would feel better after telling them, but no, I felt much worse and was close to tears. (ok, that was a little exagerrated, but hey, i was sad k?)
Well...so lessons went on as usual, then nearing to the end of the day, 2 girls came up to me and asked me whether they could organise a party to thank me for teaching them for the whole of these 2 terms. I must confess, I did not expect it nor see it coming. They are such sweet girls. But on hindsight, it means I have to clean up for them! Ahahaha... Anyway...told them I would have to check it out first.
During the car ride to the airport(we went there for dinner), and on the way home after that, I was deep in thought about who to pick as my 'model' pupils for terms 1 and 2. I tossed a few names in my mind and I'm proud to have made a decision. En route to making the decision, I reflected on the past 5 months with these kids and found out that I actually had lots to cheer about and be proud of. Most of them have grown and matured in their own way and I'm glad for them. There are, of course, a few recalcitrant ones who, even after repeated scoldings, pep talks and what-have-you, still do not change. But I thank God for those lives whom I have been able to mould and shape into the ones they are today.
I guess that's what makes teaching so special, nothing beats seeing your own pupils transform, and the satisfaction which you get from it, cannot be expressed in words. :)
bystander
Sometimes, the wiser choice when stuck in a situation, is to keep quiet and let the moment pass you by. It's much better than blowing your top and later regret something that you said earlier. I must say it takes a lot of self control, and I'm trying. Even though it seems frustrating at times....but think sailing has taught me some of this. Heh...
Sometimes, we try so hard to find the perfect love, and try so hard to hold on to something so dear to us....that it becomes detrimental to us. That we are sometimes blinded by the things we do to ourselves... all for the sake of love. So it might seem that letting go is so hard to do, but it is these things which will make us stronger at the end.
Bah, it was just one of my ramblings. Please do not feel obliged to comprehend it.
busy bee
Wow...today must have been one of my most productive days. Let me sum it up.
Woke up at 9. Ate breakkie.Read newspaper. Cleaned floor. Lazed around. Tired. Light lunch. Tuition cancelled. Marked a little. Watched dvd.Showered. Continued watching.Met huiyi for coffee. Fetched bro, went to suntec for dinner. Met ximin and family,so had dinner together. Great food, great company. Walked around, adjourned to Mac's kallang for drinks. Talked somemore. End of day out.
So today was kind of like a family day, did some catching up with cousins from both sides. Had deep conversation with huiyi, talked about life issues. Realised how much we have grown over the years together; both of us being the same age and all. Made me think about how uncertain life can be. And how we cannot assume that whatever plans we make, it will follow accordingly. How things can take a turn suddenly and you don't even know what hit you until you get hit hard. Yes, its the harsh truth. So, treasure every moment you have with your loved ones. You never know when something will happen. So, don't be in a hurry to grow up, you'll have plenty of time to do so.
Ah...in a reflective and melancholic mood now. Anyway, enjoy what's left of your weekend ya? Ciaoz.
snappy red snapper
Hahaha...yeah my title for the day. How sweet. I was snapping at everybody today. I felt so S***** about that...Nic asked me,"What's wrong with you? Marking?" No, it's not the marking, I mean part of a teacher's job IS to MARK. So no problems 'bout that. So what was it that caused me to jump at everbody, you ask. Sian-ness I guess...about my class. About how I feel I haven't really done my best to gear them up for this exams, and how they seem not to be performing up to expectations. I mean, I think I've done all I could, is that not enough? Gosh, I've tried everything, motivational talks, scolding, lecturing, speaking to them real nice...tried to go down to their level...but still... to no avail. And reality hit me hard today, it saddens me. Bah, and it hurts me, to have to scold them. They're such a nice bunch of kids, at least most of them are.
Why on earth am I getting so emotional? It's definitely not
that time of the month...its not time yet! Argh. So its just my sensitive side surfacing again huh? Gosh...I hate myself sometimes. Anyway, so tomorrow's a new day, with more markings and another early morning at school. Have a good night's sleep everyone...
[edited]
Oh, I forgot to add that this morning was one of the most productive mornings I've had so far. Having just marked 10 measly comps on Sun night, I had to drag myself up at 5.30 am on Mon morning to continue marking or I would have been slaughtered. So, much to my surprise and delight, I managed to lough through 30 odd compos in about 2 and a half hours. Hmn...not bad at all for someone who simply hates marking compos. *Pats on the back* So I guess there's a silver lining behind my dark grey clouds after all. :)
Time spent with Jac last night was not much, but had a great time just chilling out with her anywayz. Food was good too... Sigh, regretted not making time to meet up with her earlier. Well anyway, made full use of what little time with her, so in that aspect, no regrets at all. Just have to wait patiently for the next time she comes back, which is when I enter NIE.
Two great movies this week, Steel Magnolias and Maria Full of Grace. Can't get any better than this.
A bird has to leave the nest someday right? Sigh... Mum made the job a little easier...guess I just need affirmation for what I think is right huh?
Anyway, I hate childish behaviour. Gosh, he just likes to get people riled up. Its like 2 brothers having a nasty little spat. Bah...shouldn't say anything more...cos its embarrassing to know someone like that.
Just watched Steel Magnolias just now...nice show..and I shed a few tears.
I hate computers. Technology...a double-edged sword.
Fragmented post...cos my life is made up of many fragments anyway.
mystery, dilemna and a painful right knee
Hmnz...all these 3 stuff rolled into one does sound quite a handful dosen't it? Ok, I'll promise to make it quick, gotta catch CSI:NY laterz.
1: Painful right kneeYeah, its hurting again and I have absolutely NO idea why??!! Grr...I sound like an old woman.
2: Mystery(solved)Heh, think I've figured out why everybody's into Howie Day's Collide already...cos I JUST heard it on the radio!! Ahahaha....everyone listens to the radio, that's where they got hooked on the song! :)Maybe there's another reason, but who cares.
3:Dilemna
Bah...this is the longest one but I'm gonna try to make it as short as possible.
I'm thinking very hard about whether I should stay on NTU campus or not. The hard thinking came up partly because of a conversation I had 2 nights before with my cousin. Here's the thing, I had already kind of made up my mind about NOT staying 'cos I'm a homey person. I would rather go home... but that would mean I would have to spend 4 hours and 6 bucks to travel to and from school everyday!!!*gasp* (well, it only dawned on me 2 days ago...the time and money) So if I do travel home, it would mean that the food aspect's taken care of. Which I'm in favour of.
Okay, but the travelling time and fares are putting me off, so I am seriously considering whether to stay in. Its $160 bucks per month for rental of room only(excluding food expenses and day to day expenses like toiletries...). But, I don't get to see my parents, and I don't get to eat home-cooked food. Sigh, I do sound like a little girl huh? *slaps own face*Gosh, grow up, you are already 20 years old!!!(well, soon enough)
So, I've presented both sides of the argument....so dear readers, you can help me make a decision by leaving your opinions on my tag board. Do take note that I stay in Tampines....:P Thanks for your time and help, it is greatly apreciated. Let's see how it will be resolved.
Just felt an urge to blog about a movie I watched on Friday night.... Coach Carter. The movie was good... and really inspirational. Makes me think about how I can inspire my students... They are easily influenced by our methods of teaching....Anyway, here's a quote from the movie which I want to share.
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, talented, fabulous?"Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in ALL of us. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love(made famous by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 Inaugural Address)
Such a lovely and meaningful quote huh?
Collision Course
Hmn....seems that the "IN" song for this period of time is Collide by Howie Day. What's with the song man? I mean, yeah its a nice song but now, its like everyone's so into it. Don't get why. Haha...
Well, I'm here to get another bugbear off my chest. The federation is looking like a farce to me now. The man at the top is weird, I honestly do not know what goes on in his mind. I mean, how can a girl, who has absolutely no sailing experience, has been eyed on to sail the 470 with the sole aim of winning and bringing the glory for the federation and the country. I mean, just because she has the suitable height and weight and just because she's a sailor's sister, she has been ear marked to do it. I mean, what has the world come to? Urgh, they believe that sailing skills can be taught to any tom, dick and harry who catches their eye in a very short time. Hmnz, so what happens to those who do not have the ideal height and weight? They train so hard to reach their dream, only to find that they would not be in the best position to be selected though they have put in so much time and effort and are almost there; Just simply because you do not fit in their ideal profile of a champion sailor in international events, where winds are much stronger.
That's probably the reason why I do not sail competitively nor recreationally anymore. I mean, there's no use training so hard when you know the are concentrating on the younger ones who have the potential to excel. I mean, yeah, I still love sailing but many people whom I meet in NSC from time to time, often ask me: "Why aren't you sailing anymore?" I usually do not have a standard answer for them, partly because I do not want to explain myself. I usually sidestep the question, like giving the excuse that im busy or something. Yeah...I know I'm lame...sigh. Can't help it lah. I mean yeah I love the sport, but I'm loving what I do, that is helping out at regattas whenever I can. Where I'm appreciated by nice people there. That, I believe, is my own way of dealing with this situation I'm in.
Haiz...why can't life be so simple...? Simple friendships, with good leaders and managements leading organisations? Relationships which do not incur so much other problems? Anyway, I just had to get it off my chest. Feel better already....glad my advice was of help to Em. *smilez*
Ciaoz. Enjoy what's left of your long weekend ya?
